United Through Separation


Once united in an intimate relationship, one day you (may) have to face your separation with the-soon-to-be ex-loved one. A divorce of your soul from your soul-mate.

It’s nasty; you still remember the day when you first felt the beautiful invitation to this relationship so clearly,  in such a detail that you can paint each of its moments in your head with the meticulousness of a fully-fledged pointillism artist, point by point. Then all you wanted to do is the one thing that you cannot tolerate now; see through, see directly in, see wholeheartedly, see everything of your Beloved in the eyes, in the heart, in the silence of you two.

The present silence serves only as an indication of the level of fighting, anger, resentment or apathy that you share. In shouting or in absolute dormancy, you cannot break free from the unbearable sight; you feel that you cannot look at the same person from your present state of being; your heart-mind desires nothing else but the separation as quickly, as easily and as inexpensively as possible.

You believe you have loved this human expression of life, having offered precious parts of you, the jewels in the safe, the keys to secret rooms where you only display divine melody and dance…  It was here that your Beloved was welcomed by your every part as leaves are aching for a splash of rain and the attention of morning sunrays.

You wanted to avoid the usual cliché, but there is nothing more to it than the confession that this is a simple story; this human being was your bread and butter, your salt and pepper; you borrowed a tone of adjectives from a good dictionary to call him/her by sophisticated names, but at your truth, all you yearned was for some salt and pepper.

Out of his/her common nature, this plain human creature instigated your outing to the pleasures of your existence and the artistic expression of your soul on Earth. And finally, this was real, not a dream, not a thought, not an image bank to keep you company while crawling to sleep on a solo bed performance amidst agonizing quests for the meaning of life and the displeasing memories of failed attempts to catch up a glimpse of it.

One person, one body-mind-heart, but also your ticket out of theory, into the living of life, closer to dancing with the Lover. The Lover had your partner’s shape for a while but through him/her it was always about the big big Love, the one that brings life to everything. Having your partner in your life has been your way to feel the presence of Love, every single time, with no effort, with no anxiety and no fear. You were on the top of the world and nothing seemed impossible any more.

Yet here you are, from the unlimited skies of sentiments to a least wanted grounding. You start leaving this relationship.

Grounding does not seem prominent, there is no delirium of ecstasy and no overflowing of regenerative emotions; it seems almost inane to the mind to leave all the realms of this high rapturous connection you once had and you still long and try to start and complete something that is not promising such highs.

Your body starts saying failure, rejection. You feel small and insignificant; you are finding yourself back to those old footprints. You are afraid of that old staff, another loss-of-self-appreciation mode. Particles of your faith are leaking all over the place. You are dying a little.

Newcomers are arriving at the heart, a certain sorrow and grief. They expand bit by bit, they like to take their space. You are closing up. You were able to generate an overflow of vitality as all of your Love essence was in abundance flux. As you close up you are forming a heart bottleneck. The energy is struggling to pass through. Your vital energy is still very much in need; your life is not over and it will not be over. But you are shrinking. You are starting to feel hurt. And soon, depending on the levels and the quality of your resistance to what is happening you will render yourself emotionally exhausted.

For aeons and aeons we react like that. Each one of us, each time. And this is how we grow old; tired, impoverished and reduced.

It’s not worth it. All of our negation in seeing through, taking in the NO of life to our brains, is too costly, too greedy. It ravishes the jewels, it strips out octaves of music.

Let yourself face your death. Stand in front of your partner. Do the unthinkable, open up, defenselessly, honestly, unarmed, unprotected, uncomfortably. Look at your separating-partner’s eyes; you will be looking at the Soul of the Love you have in You, so precious to risk losing.

Start your separation ceremony. Start from the beginning. Relive the first encounter, the growing of the affection, the realization of your Love for another human being; revive into your cells the excitement, the joy, the anticipation of your connection, its gradual deepening, the pleasures of your touch. Remember with generosity how beautifully, givinigly and non-regretfully you have loved your partner. The one, the Beloved, the real thing.

Acknowledge the depth of your trust you invested into this. Honour your decision. It was a decision full of heart and radiance, strength and courage. Honour yourself for the quality of your offering to another human being. And allow for a second to think whether your partner displayed trust, heart, giving as well. Investigate this through your pain with your compassion. Even if you detest the idea, stay with that.

Feel the freedom to stay with that and still throw up in your stomach as you go through the nasty parts, the estrangement, the belittling, the disappointment of a nullification of your plans and dreams for a really intimate life.

Take all that NO in the heart. Look at your partner’s eyes and focus. Command your heart to remain open no matter how violently you feel the rejection and the failure. Let the emotions come but don’t give them the lead. Taste the death of your desire for this relationship, for this person. You die again.

Feel the shape of this death, the texture, the colour, the odour. Stay focused in your look. This is your separation movement. Die, so you don’t have to suffer for years. So you will not cut off this part of your life forever. If you cannot look at him/her, you will not be able to take with you all of these pieces that you have created together, in trust and in love.

These memories are the parts of you that were offered for the Beloved. Living elements of your life. You literally are a different person if you strike them out, if you abandon them to fate. They can be energized only as part of your pathway to your Destiny. If you reject them, they will be locked in a painful oblivion, attracting with them and every other sensation you had with this person.

Choose death; you are dying momentarily. Take this death. Standing face to face with the NO you are breaking through into YES. It takes an Everest of courage to keep the heart open when you feel rejected and unworthy. It takes insurmountable strength to let the pain ravish your heart even for one split of a second. But you cannot die from momentary death; your heart will be able to emerge young and aspiring to love again.

Feel your bestowed pieces, full of consciousness and honour, returning one by one back to you, bringing you maturity and wisdom. Freedom comes when we see everything as it is, life and death as it is. You are claiming kingdoms of freedom with your silence and your look. Stay here. In this movement, in this labour. You are separating; you are no longer together with this.

You might feel something like a void at first; suddenly you have too much space and no clue where to go and what to do exactly. You are emerging a new self and you need to calibrate your moves again with all the integrated parts. Feel how your heart is supporting the changeover. Feel your shape. And notice that after all of this life drama you went, through the pain of staying present in your separation, you are so alive, and so close, so united with Love.

You can still hear your music; it has not stop playing, even if for a while it seems that it prefers another type of harmonies.