For days I am on the phone and emails and a lot of communication with public and private providers of services; a social security department, a human resources department, an administration department, the fiscal authorities, an on line business application sales department, and the list goes on and on.
For some inexplicable reason things are stalling or are under a spell of seriously slow progress. Emails needed to be repeated day after day. And then I spend at least an hour on the phone to resolve issues unsolved by emails. Each one of these calls is enough to ruin my day. I persist with patience. I continue untamed by the power of events. None of these things worth my enthusiasm, my health or my good spirit, I consult myself. I am here to protect my soul from any kind of triviality that holds itself as more important than anything else does, demanding my attention at every cost.
During a particularly bloomy day, I might fall into the trap of the nos received; all these small walls raised against my simplest of my actions such as to conclude an online purchase on time, all these small walls can build a serious peripheral tambour and separate me for good from my intention to continue a life of meaning.
Raising my awareness on what is actually at stake here, I persist. I persist, I persist. I take time off from the world; I turn back, into me, returning to the only true home, to the only constant in my Universe of my Being. From there I continue my dialectic with myself. I continue asking the questions that bring me back, from the delusion of a world that wishes my attention but offers nor heart nor truth, to a reality of love and wisdom.
These nos around me are not strong enough to negate the biggest YES of my life; my mom and dad said YES to me. They said, YES, be our child, YES, come here live with us, YES become part of our world. We love you, we want you and we are here to support and protect you no matter what, no matter why.
We say YES to you with all that you are, with all that you will be, with all the disagreements and the discourses and all the troubles that will come with you. We say YES to you as our child, our beloved, unique, precious child, the most precious of all of our creations, the most beloved of all of our wishes and dreams. We say YES to you, as you are, in your own individual life power expression, in your own light and shadow.
And for you, with joy and unforced enunciation, we put aside our dreams, our goals, our everything so you can grow, so you can flourish, more than we ever did or ever will, because this is the measure of our love for you. We are not looking for your recognition or your pedestal for us. We do not ask for reciprocation or a fee. Dear child of ours, go beyond this small human thinking of give and take. We invite you to receive; just to receive the force of life that is coming from us, through us, as the ultimate gift we can offer to you. An eternal gift of grace that passes through from a higher love source that we do not own but we trust. And with and within this trust we invite you wholeheartedly and unreservedly in this world and we support you in it.
Mom and dad said this Big Big YES and here I am, talking on the phone for a delayed delivery of health supplement as I pave myself into the reality of being present in this world of flesh and blood. Falling down each and every day, raising up within the same day. Mom and Dad are behind me all the time and every time. Their love, their wholeheartedly given love and support never left me, even all those years, all those individual moments that I negated their existence, judged them poorly, asked for a different set of parents (!), went as far away as I could from them hoping that his alone would make things easier, better, more beautiful. Life was not easier, better of more beautiful with my mom and dad out of my heart. The gift, the force of life, that they gave me was also far away without them in my heart. The more I was coming closer, in humility, to see them clearly, as they are, as they always have been, the more apocalyptic the life force became. And from a position of a child to the parents I started feeling slowly, and painfully in many occasions, the true measurement of their choice, of their YES in my life. Then an appreciation never dared to be expressed before became my spontaneous hugs, phone calls, visits and summer breaks with the long forgotten mom and dad.
I said YES to mom and dad, as they are, as they always were. No bucket list, no other goal, no other wish, no other need have tormented more all of my life than this movement. Standing small as the child that I am and I am always going to be to my parents, and seeing them and feeling eternal love in my heart for these two humans who have been everything for me even when I did not perceive them at all, even when I could not see them amidst all the fogginess in my life.
Mom and Dad, thank you. I take everything from you with love. And I am taking it forward. With you in me, with your love and your courage with me. Your YES is my YES too. And with two YESes in life, I am rich beyond any Nos, any small and big walls of this world. Thank you for such a gift, thank you for such an endowment in life. I can never give back what you gave me and what you are continuously doing for me. I know that you do not ask for it; yet I would like to give back. And so I will give back Mom and Dad; I will feel my dreams and I will bring them into my ideas; and I will design through them and build them into flesh and blood, creating all that I can, all in your honor my dearest Mom and Dad, all in your name. As I am here only because of you. And only with you in me I can be what I was meant to be. I bow to both of you my dearest beloved parents. Thank you for your YES. YES, I am taking in this movement, exactly as you are offering it to me. With love, with double love and a triple YES.